If you’re looking for a terrible playlist filled with hits predominantly from the ‘90s, look no further than my top 35 list of horrid music. Enjoy the repetitive monotony of mainstream pop, among other things: 1. “Super Bass” by Nicki Minaj. At first, I enjoyed this song. But as it is with all songs that are played on the radio, I began hating it after a month.
2. “Heaven” by DJ Sammy. I simultaneously hate and love this song, and Elin Engkvist knows why.
3. “Pop” by *NSYNC. I just can’t take Justin Timberlake seriously when I picture him with his boy band crew, rocking his bleached, ramen noodle hair.
4. “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye. I never liked this song and I never will.
5. Anything in which Shakira sounds like a dying walrus, which is every song. “Underneath Your Clothes” is a personal favourite, as is “Objection (Tango).”
6. “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz. This song has literally been on the radio for four years. Please stop.
7. “Firework” by Katy Perry. I don't like Katy Perry in general, but this is my least favourite song of hers. "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?" No, I can't say that I have, Katy.
8. “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. Everyone loves "Titanic," but who actually likes this song? No one. Actually, that is a lie, because Elin and I sang this song in terrible voices when we were the MCs for a talent night our senior year of high school. It was like magic.
9. “Grenade” by Bruno Mars. Yes, Bruno, we know how much you want to throw yourself in front of any and all explosive devices to save said lady friend.
10. “Womanizer” by Britney Spears. Seriously, Britney? You were done in 2007 when you shaved your head.
11. “We are Young” by Fun. Yes, this song is indeed fun. That is, it was until the radio killed it by playing it until I, the lover of Fun., hated it. Please, radio, don’t ruin “Some Nights” for me, too.
12. “Fuego” by Pitbull. Every Pitbull song has the same formula: a repetitive, Cuban beat; a few Spanish words peppered here and there; declarations of “Mr. Worldwide!”; and of course, dozens of sexual references. This particular song teaches you to beware of fire: “You think you gangsta ‘cuz you did time/Well listen you gangsta, don’t cross the line.”
13. “Umbrella” by Rihanna. Although this is my anthem of choice when I offer to share my umbrella with a friend who has no umbrella, this song is in no way enjoyable to sing. I sing because I must.
14. “Teardrops on my Guitar” by Taylor Swift. The perfect melodramatic teen girl angst power jam.
15. “Indian Outlaw” by Tim McGraw. I had a country music phase in high school, but it’s over now. Don’t judge me. This song is about how Tim McGraw is in fact an Indian outlaw, and how his baby is a Chippewa, who is “one of a kind,” according to the lyrics.
16. “Follow Your Dreams” by Raze. Yes, I know you all owned the WOW albums when you were growing up. This particular gem speaks of following your dreams, as the title suggests. And don’t worry: there is a rap section in the middle of the song.
17. “Jesus Freak” by Dc Talk. The Christian song of the ‘90s. There is nothing more to be said.
18. “Save Tonight” by Eagle Eye Cherry. I actually don’t hate this song, I just love to hate on the band name and how awesome it is.
19. “Macarena” by Los Del Rio. To me, the Macarena isn’t even a song—it’s a state of being. It’s a state of “am I supposed to be clasping my hips or making circles with my body at this point in the dance?”
20. “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” by Elton John. No, no I can’t. This song is a million years old and I can’t feel the love anymore, Elton!
21. “All Star” by Smash Mouth. If you’re like me, this song always reminds you of "Shrek" but not in a good way.
22. “Lose My Soul” by Toby Mac. This is the anthem of all soccer moms jamming to the Christian radio station on their way home from the grocery store. Don’t be that person, unless you are actually a middle-aged soccer mom. Then, by all means, enjoy.
23. “I Shot the Sherriff” by Bob Marley. This song is not in itself bad, and actually holds beautiful memories. My friend Elin and I first stumbled upon this song in her dad’s Swedish ‘70s rock guitar book; however, having never heard it before, we rapped the words. When we heard the actual version, we were sorely disappointed. So if you do sing “I Shot the Sherriff,” please, for me, rap the crap out of that sucker.
24. “Friday” by Rebecca Black. We all love to hate on this song and its mind-numbing lyrics: “Yesterday was Thursday, today here is Friday... Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards.” And yeah, now it’s stuck in your head.
25. “Spinning Around” by Jump5. I was one of those middle school girls who owned all of Jump5’s CDs. I also wished I could move like the cool Jump5 crew. However, as I have grown I have mended my ways and now realize that I don’t want to spin around anymore.
26. “So Yesterday” by Hilary Duff. “If the light is off, then it isn’t on,” philosopher Hilary belts in this song about a boy who is “so yesterday.” Like her ex, this song is so 2007.
27. “Everybody” by Backstreet Boys. There are no words.
28. “Rolling in the Deep” by Adele. Like everyone, I once liked Adele. Now I don’t. The end.
29. “Baby” by Justin Beiber. Justin, you are yourself a baby. Stop acting like a man. Your recent voice change isn’t going to change my opinion of you.
30. “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen. Please, please, please, please stop making memes and YouTube videos about this song. I can’t handle it anymore.
31. “Blow” by Ke$ha. A role model to young girls everywhere, Ke$ha sings quality lyrics like: "Dirt and glitter cover the floor/ We're pretty and sick/we're young and we're bored."
32. “Fireflies” by Owl City. It was cool four years ago. Get over it, people.
33. “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction. As cute as the little 15-year-old boys are wearing their girly jeans and gelling their hair in peculiar ways, I am neither a pre-teen girl nor a One Direction fan.
34. “In the End” by Linkin Park. The philosophical musings of Linkin Park have woven their way through our childhoods. Now I wish they hadn’t.
35. “Photograph” by Nickelback. Oh, Chad Kroeger and his throaty voice disaster. I am particularly fond of hating on Nickelback. I just have one question to ask you: “How did our eyes get so red?”